“You look happy.”

For a long time, my favorite compliment was, “You’re such a good artist.” I have vivid memories of being told this by my parents, my teachers, my friends. I remember feeling so special. So valuable.

Then, as I got older, it was, “You’re my best friend.” I always wanted to feel chosen. Special.

Then, “You seem really wise.”

Then, “You look strong.”

And now, well into my thirties, I have decided that my favorite compliment is this:

“You look happy.”

You see, I’ve worked hard for my entire life. I’ve worked to be a better artist, to be a worthy friend, to gain the wisdom I needed to find peace. (Only more recently have I worked for my muscles, but that’s been a tumultuous and hard-fought journey in its own right.)

And yet, I have never worked harder for anything in my life than to be happy. It is my life’s pursuit. It is, in every way, the culmination of everything I have ever worked for. I am happy, and that’s because of my art, and my friends, and therapy, and exercise, and a million of other hard choices I had to make for myself.

When someone tells me I look happy, I hear something so much more than those three words. I hear:

“You know yourself well enough to understand how to make yourself happy; and you love yourself enough to see it through.”

The other day, I was talking with a colleague of mine about work-life balance. Like most people, we once believed that if we simply gave enough, we’d accrue enough metaphorical kudos to be an objectively “good” influence on the world. We’d be worthy of our privilege and thus worthy of our existence. And, fortunately for us, we eventually came to the conclusion that few things impact the world as positively as a genuinely happy person.

Happy people — truly happy people — cannot help but to shine light on others. It’s not the say they’re necessarily extroverted, or philanthropic, or materialistically giving; but they inherently lift others up. Their joy, however quiet, is infectious.

So often, we are made to believe that loving ourselves comes at the expense of loving others. I disagree. Vehemently. Loving ourselves, respecting ourselves, being our own greatest allies and most enthusiastic cheerleaders — that is what gives us the capacity to care for others. That is what makes us shine all the brighter.

So shine on, my friends ☀️. The world will be better for it.