“Thank you, I made it!”
About ten years ago, I stopped arguing with people when they complimented me.
I was in college at the time, in the upswing of my cosplay career. I would spend months, countless hours creating elaborate costumes before debuting them on the convention floor. Delighted con-goers would crowd around, asking to take my picture. I’d be inundated with exclamations like, “You’re so talented!” or “This looks amazing!” or “You must have worked so hard at this!”
I remember feeling the most confusing sensation when this happened: a strange mixture of joy and discomfort. I’d find myself tempted to dismiss their compliments — to say, Well, I’m no Yaya Han, or Oh, that’s only because you can’t see all the hidden chaos!
Like many of us, I grew up believing that the line between pride and arrogance was too fine to walk safely. As a child, my big personality and passion were often labeled by my peers as being full of myself — of not knowing my place. And so, like many of us, I learned to downplay myself.
But here’s the thing: my cosplays did look amazing. And I worked really, really hard on them. More than that, I’ve been honing my creative craft since I could hold a Crayola in my hand. So why, why on earth would I tell someone I felt otherwise? Why would I downplay what I’d worked so hard for?
Let me ask you: have you ever given someone a compliment, hoping they would fight with you about it? Have you ever said something nice to someone, then felt lesser-than when they smiled at you?
Of course you haven’t — unless, of course, you belong to a culture where that’s the norm, in which case I’ll gladly acknowledge the gap in this approach. (One of the first things I discovered when learning Japanese was that if someone compliments your Japanese, you tell them, **“いいえ, まだです まだです” — translating to “No, not yet, not yet.”)
But these conventions weren’t in Japan, and I wasn’t learning Japanese. And I can’t tell you how fucking good it felt when someone complimented the five-foot longbow I hand-carved from a block of wood, and I said, “Thank you! I made it!”
I stopped rejecting people’s compliments then. It was a powerful choice that fundamentally altered the way I think about myself and my talents. Every time I chose to say thank you was another moment I wasn’t spending dismissing my efforts. When I allowed my mind to be filled with thoughts of gratitude and celebration and self-acknowledgement, I began to feel more grateful and appreciative towards myself and my work.
And no one, not a single person walked away from those interactions muttering about my arrogance. In fact, I’d bet they felt good — because why wouldn’t they? They said a nice thing and were met with a full-faced smile and a heartfelt “thank you.” Who wouldn’t want that?
And so, if you’re someone who makes a habit of arguing with compliments, I want to pose a challenge:
Don’t.
Smile. Say thank you. Believe them. If you’re feeling bold, double down and tell them why they’re right. Tell them that you worked hard on the thing, or you’re proud of how it came out, or how much their compliments means to you. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s okay. All new growth starts with a little discomfort. I promise, it’s worth it.
