“I want to be afraid, and do it anyway.”
Hello, 2026.
We’re two days in, and I already feel as though I’ve welcomed you with open arms. But before I entirely say goodbye to the prior year, I want to take a moment to acknowledge good ol’ 2025. Specifically, I want to celebrate my journey over the past year — because, let’s face it, 2025 globally was kind of a lot.
On January 1st of last year, I was sitting in this very coffee shop, beginning my journey as someone who prioritized their creative energy. As I wrote in my very first installment of before my coffee gets cold, “I want to live a creative life. I have no fucking clue what that means.” I’m proud to say that I have a much better idea of that now. And, excluding rare travel days, I have spent every day of this year doing just that.
In that time, I launched my business and participated in my first craft fair; I’ve written five short stories, completed two book manuscripts, and as of this morning, submitted two query letters to agents. (That’s right, my fantasy novel is now in the hands of professional literary agents.) All this on top of several a cappella retreats, officiating my beloved friends’ wedding, working full-time, and a whole lot of other cool shit.
2025 wasn’t without its challenges, though. Aside from the universal awfulness of (gestures around vaguely), I’ve had back pain more days than not. My relationship with my body has been serviceable, but not great. My family dealt with some truly trying times. I lost my job (briefly), and had to practice a lot of boundary-setting.
But here I am, on the other side, feeling nothing but grateful for the year.
I’ve known for a long time that sustainable change comes with approaching things differently. It’s not about planning for the right outcomes; it’s about defining success by the things in your life you’re actually capable of controlling. I didn’t come into 2025 with the goal of submitting my manuscripts to agents, or to write x number of short stories. I came in with one promise to myself: I will wake up every morning, go to a coffee shop, and make art.
The rest…well, I like to think it was a natural byproduct of that. Because when you make enough art, it will find its way into the world.
Being honest with you all, I’m a little nervous about the coming year. I’ve got this creative thing on-lock, which is great, but there are other things in my life waiting to be addressed.
I am so tired of being in pain. I am so tired of feeling betrayed by my body. I am so tired of watching my hard-earned muscles deteriorate because I’m too frustrated and downtrodden and afraid.
Right now, the scales are tipped when it comes to exercise. It’s got a lot more negative emotions associated with it than positive ones. And I know how the human brain works. I know how my brain works. Of course I’m avoiding it. But I can’t, I won’t, let that shit slide anymore.
Last year, I told you “I want to live a creative life.”
This year, “I want to be afraid, and do it anyway.”
…happy new year, friends 🌞
